Fifteen Tips for Transforming Your Relationships: with Customers, Vendors, Colleagues, Teammates, Friends, Lovers

by Anne I. Merkel, Ph.D.

What is a “conscious relationship”? And, how can being “conscious” in your life relationships make a difference in your life?

Whenever two people come together to form an intentional relationship or partnership around some purpose that will keep them connected for some time into the future, there is a level of responsibility there that cannot be denied.

As two individuals meet, focus on the reason for being connected, and start getting to know each other, they are actually creating what I call the “third entity”. Each individual enters the partnership as himself or herself and this third “individual” is the blending of their personalities and energies that forms the essence of the relationship dynamic. Just like a growing child, this third entity needs to be loved and nurtured, treated with respect, fed regularly, and acknowledged in positive ways… in business and personal relationships.

As we look into our society we see relationships dying or shifting wherever we look. The divorce rate is very high world-wide; many romantic relationships are very short-lived; businesses are formed by individuals sharing a vision and 98% of them fail within the first five years; established organizations lay off workers and kill working relationships between teammates; mergers and acquisitions cause reorganizations that separate long-term partnered co-workers and shift them around to join with others; customers and suppliers constantly do a relationship dance of give and take both internally and externally within a system; changes in technology require long-term relationships with processes, procedures, equipment to shift; should I go on?

There seems to be little respect in society for the successful relationship. I say this because if we all better respected intentional relationships we would focus more conscious attention on keeping them healthy rather than simply letting them die or tearing them apart without supportive closure.

In order to make the most of every relationship experience we must approach each relationship with conscious intention of keeping our eyes open and consciously committing to take all the steps necessary to support the health and growth of the relationship entity. Here are fifteen tips on how to do this:

1. Communication is the glue in every kind of relationship. Communicating about feelings is the bond that provides the stickiness to the glue.
2. Just like with glue, it takes time to bond. Take the time to let the relationship grow a firm foundation from which it can thrive and branch outward.
3. Share dreams and visions about the relationship, the project that brought you together, the team on which you serve, the future. FEEL the results of the dreams and visions and share this with your partner(s).
4. Be conscious about WHY you are in relationship with this other person, WHAT it is that you are discovering or pursuing together (your intentions), HOW the relationship can be nurtured to grow in healthy ways that support both parties and the purpose for which you have come together.
5. Consciously commit to the relationship, and regularly revisit and renew this commitment.
6. When connecting with the other person(s) remember to open and close your meetings (formal and informal) in appropriate, respectful, endearing ways. This goes for personal partnerships as well as teams. A check-in, salutation, greeting at the beginning sets a tone, and the ending with appropriate closure sets the interim mood until you meet again.
7. When together maintain a balance between data focus and human dynamics, between task and bonding, between mind and heart, between things and feelings, between mental and emotional… even in work relationships!
8. Utilize “active listening” techniques including the “talking stick” where only one person talks with the other listening attentively, or “parroting” where one person paraphrases what the partner or teammate has just communicated. People want to be heard and often need reinforcement that they have been listened to. It is a form of deep respect.
9. When a sense of discomfort arises it is important to acknowledge it, personally claim it, diplomatically share if a behavior change is requested of the other. Bottling up dis-ease merely causes resentment and disease later.
10. Respect and revere the third entity at all times. This is an important “baby” and must be paid attention to, nurtured, loved, positively reinforced, gifted, fed, every day. Don’t neglect it or it will surely die.
11. Navigate for success, peace, love, joy, and regularly re-adjust direction to continue heading in the direction navigated by the third entity.
12. Remember that we are all human and each relationship is with someone who is imperfect in at least one way or another… just as you, too, are imperfect. Focus on creating the perfect third entity that is nurtured and loved and becomes the best of what the two of you bring together.
13. Hold your friendship sacred above all issues, and when conflict or negativity arises, mutually focus on resolving the issue without hurting the third entity.
14. Have FUN together – LAUGH together – CELEBRATE accomplishments together – FOCUS on the BIG PICTURE together – RELEASE the pettiness of life together.
15. Consciously attract the RIGHT relationship partners. If after time you grow apart and decide you no longer share the same vision, then gently and with great love and respect, nurture the third entity as it begins to die and you begin to release the relationship to each move on with your lives. Share the death with your partner – discuss the pain, communicate about why the entity needs to die, forgive each other for the failure, offer gratitude for the good that came from the relationship and the lessons that were learned along the way, have loving closure… then move on.

The tips above are not new. They are not my creation, just common sense. They ARE steps that, if taken, can support a strong personal or business relationship.

I coach people to take these steps to build conscious and successful relationships, and I support teams to implement the same steps appropriately within the group setting. They work and can help individuals to create conscious relationships as they evolve their conscious organizations.

For more information about how to transform your relationships, your life, your organization, please feel free to contact the author at 706-379-1384 or merakel@arielagroup.com, or go to http://www.arielagroup.com to learn more about the services that we offer in these areas.

Daily Exercise: Enhancing “conscious relationships”

If you read the above article, then you must have an interest in improving your life, your work, your awareness of opportunities and obstacles on your path to success.

In order to change old patterns and create greater consciousness in your life it is important to make a daily practice that sets the energetics in place for a shift in your awareness and then the creation of new, improved patterns and habits.