"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sharing a Conscious (Holiday) Visit with Family


Article by Coach Alchemist Anne Merkel, Ph.D.


I resonate with the Ralph Waldo Emerson quote seen on this page. In the past it was often a struggle for me to be my TRUE SELF and stay conscious, especially during a holiday visit with my family. Many of my coaching clients have also reflected a frustration of being pulled in too many directions by others during a holiday season shared with others. I’m sure you can also relate!

We each have traditions which have supported holiday and family habits, patterns, typical reactions. When an event, or holiday is based on personal beliefs and values, the traditions and habitual patterns are rooted even more deeply. Throw in a mixture of relatives and friends with whom one might not have normal association, and then feed the group a mixture of rich and not everyday foods, and you have created the opportunity for contrast, emotional upset, mood swings, stress, and lots of new resolutions about what will be done differently the next visit and next holiday. These are often forgotten by the time the next year’s time for a visit rolls back around. To where does the essential person disappear in these times?

As I have coached individuals and facilitated Holiday party/workshops over the years, I regularly encounter people who feel like victims during major holidays. Victims to the commercialism, victims of family whims and expectations, victims of changing weather, eating habits, sleeping patterns, work schedules, social occasions, among so many other things.

We have a choice of feeling victimized and controlled by circumstances of the season or consciously creating the best opportunities, social encounters, schedules, dietary patterns. If we consciously  take responsibility for taking care of ourselves and indulging in only the parts of the festivities that most nurture us, then we can create fantastic holidays year after year.

One year I moved to a new home the week before Christmas. Rather than feel lonely and stressed during that holiday season I decided to “attend” by telephone, all of the parties that I knew were happening and connect with all of my friends who were in attendance. I saved valuable travel time, energy, money, was able to be “present” at more parties than ever that holiday season, and I talked with most of my dearest friends as I sat comfortably in my own home, dressed as I chose, eating and drinking my own favorite foods. It turned into a memorable holiday for me!

My challenge for you during each holiday and visit with family is to be conscious of the decisions you make and how you react to stimuli presented to you. Just because you have “always” done something during a holiday, does not mean that you MUST continue that tradition. Do you allow yourself to fall victim to the whims of others, or do you consciously create the holiday festivities and traditions that most satisfy you?? Whenever possible, stand back and observe yourself. If you find that you have fallen into victim mode, then decide what thought or action right then can help you to shift into a more empowering and enjoyable space. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is a wonderful tool that you can utilize if things get stressful or if you feel yourself slipping into victim mode. You are in charge of your life, so it is your responsibility to steer clear of victimizing situations and empower yourself to have a fantastic Holiday!!

I wish you and yours much success and happiness during your holiday and other visits with family.

For more on this subject we invite you to see the ACTION TIPs below, and if you are interested in learning how to utilize Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) around family issues, contact Dr. Anne Merkel to discuss the benefits of coaching to help you create the holidays and conscious family vists that you most desire!

Self-Coaching TIP #1:
“Scripting” your holiday or other visit with family 

A very potent tool that I use regularly is called “scripting”. This is simply writing the scenario of an upcoming event as though it has already happened.

  • You create the event as you want it to be.
  • In the description you place as many details and sensory reactions as possible.
  • You state all of the details of the situation or occasion and then continue into expressing your FEELINGS about the occurrences that you have just described.
  • You focus on your feelings and how the actions and the situation touches you at a core level.
  • Ask yourself what are the true essential emotions that you experience as a result of the positive situation you have just described? Do you feel peace? Love? Joy? Abundance? Security? Freedom?
  • What do you feel in your core as you place yourself in the scenario that you have scripted?

I invite you to use this technique during each holiday visit with family or other occasion that traditionally brings you anxiety. Before every social event take a little time to “script” the occasion… creating it the way you want it to be. The results are well worth the time up front that you commit.

So, what DO you want??  If you have trouble clarifying this, you may be interested in learning more from the e-book FLOWING FORWARD: A Guide to Transforming Your Life from the Inside Out provided free for you in this website. We also invite you to consider working with a personal life success coach.

Self-Coaching TIP #2:
Emotional Freedom Technique for dissolving tension during stressful holiday or family occasions

When people come together after a separation and participate together in busy occasions with any of the circumstances described above, Emotional Freedom Technique is a handy tool to take wherever you go. If you don’t know EFT yet, then go to EFT Services on this website or find: